Spotlight (Part I): A Father’s Story of Courage Through Acceptance
Yan told a story at our June Pride Show in 2018, under the theme “This is Me.” The father of two told his story in Chinese as his son translated to English, weaving together a tale of discovery and acceptance. Yan joined the show as a representative from PFLAG China, an organization that serves and supports LGBTQ+ individuals and their friends, family members, and advocates across China through the facilitation of dialogues, exchanges, lectures, helplines and more, powered by more than 3,000 volunteers across the country (1,000 of which are parents!).
This interview was originally answered in Chinese and translated into English by the interviewee's son, Being.
UNRAVEL: Your story is so accessible and so impactful, what inspired you to share your story?
YAN 魏岩星: PFLAG China found me saying that they hope I can share my story on the Unravel platform on behalf of the Chinese sexual minority. At the beginning, I felt a little nervous, but I think this is a good thing. What's more, they have given me a lot of help, let me untie the knot that my son is gay, so I am willing to share my story and let people from different countries understand the tolerance and understanding of a typical Chinese family for sexual minorities.
UNRAVEL: What did the experience of sharing your story in front of an audience mean to you?
YAN 魏岩星: To be honest, apart from speaking in class when I was at school, I have hardly ever experienced giving a speech to so many people in public, especially in front of so many foreigners. From feeling nervous at the beginning (my heart was in my mouth before getting on stage), to gradually adapting to the stage and talking with fervor and assurance, and finally receiving a warm applause from the audience, it was a very wonderful experience. I realize that the world is a different but harmonious place. Although we don't know the language, people from different cultural backgrounds share a common emotional language and the same definition of truth, goodness and beauty.
UNRAVEL: Yours was the first story we ever live translated, what was the experience like having your son translate your story? Did you two rehearse together beforehand?
Yan 魏岩星: Because I don't know English, I needed him to give me a signal, I will follow it, so I feel that it is a feeling of mutual care and cooperation. It is really an experience that I have never had before. There was no formal rehearsal, we had a relatively informal rehearsal only about 3 or 4 times before sharing. But the previous week, the father was brewing, the son organized the language of translation, and then together sorted the content into a document, and officially translated into appropriate English.
UNRAVEL: Was there anything you were nervous or afraid to say that your son would have to translate?
YAN 魏岩星: Our family has always been very harmonious and the mutual understanding between us is very high. Basically, there is nothing to hide, especially after the son comes out of the closet and breaks the only barrier. Therefore, I will not avoid expressing my own uneasiness and doubts at the beginning. Although at the time we were embarrassed, there is no need to cover it up now when all has opened. Sometimes sharing your story with everyone will make the impact of this story multiplied, whether it is sadness or joy, moving or angry, ultimately it will have a positive impact, let more people find the value through your story and give them the courage to actively respond to this volatile world.
UNRAVEL: In your story, you describe the conversation where Being sits the family down and comes out. In many ways, the experience sounds as positive and open as it could have been. What would your advice be to families and individuals who are struggling to have that level of honesty and acceptance with their families.
YAN 魏岩星: It is very difficult to talk about many sensitive topics. If it is not the boost of some external factors, it may be avoided. The child does not know how the parents will react, and the parents may not be able to understand the fresh concept of the unfamiliar niche. But I believe that as long as you are open and honest, you can definitely find a way to overcome it. It may take a lot of time, but the result will be positive. So don't worry if the first step taken will be smooth. How can you get results without starting? The Chinese believe in fate. Being a family is a great blessing and fate. It must be cherished.
UNRAVEL: The strength and honesty in your relationship was so palpable when you shared your story on stage. Has the experience of coming to know and understand Being’s identity brought you two closer together? Were you always close?
YAN 魏岩星: Our family has always been close, but we never know that my son likes same-sex, so he still has some gaps with us. In the end, we pressed harder and harder, and it led to the outbreak of contradictions. After the openness, we understand him more. He also believes that we are enlightened parents and would like to share more details about his life with us.
UNRAVEL: What has being involved with PFLAG China done for and meant to you?
YAN 魏岩星: We started to think about ourselves. Later, we contacted PFLAG and found that there are so many parents like us. They love life very much, and their children are also very good, so the knot is gradually untied.
UNRAVEL: What message do you hope your story can share with other parents and families of LGBTQ+ individuals in China? In the wider world?
YAN 魏岩星: I hope that everyone can listen to the voice of their families and learn to face all kinds of unfamiliar areas with an inclusive attitude. Sit down and have a chat and listen to what the children think, because this is a diverse world. Of course, what you take for granted is not the whole picture of the world. In this way, different worlds can blend together, families will be more harmonious, and society will be more friendly.
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